*** DISCLAIMER**** IF YOU DO NOT KNOW MY DAD, YOU WILL NOT THINK THIS IS FUNNY******************
A few years back my brothers and I converted all of our old family videos from VHS to DVD for our parents and grandparents. I am sure every family has some funny moments caught on video, but the Foley family has too many to count. These videos are not your every day funny, they are funny because of the lack of compassion from the man behind the camera- my dad. Over and over he films moments that any other parent…or.. I will go as far as saying any human being, would have set down the camera to comfort the child instead of continuing to film for the sake of ‘good tv’. For example:
We have on video Brent (my brother) at about age 4 -riding a trike down a fairly steep hill; gaining speed, laughing, slowing down and starting all over. Again and again and again. He is going so fast that he removes his feet from the pedals and throws his legs outward while the wheels and pedals are going so fast they look like they might fall off. And then…here comes me –(timeline puts me at age 3 ) with a little blue smurf plastic scoot toy. You can see danger written all over this toy, even on a flat surface…but my dad allows me to straddle it, and make my way to the top of the hill, in preperation obviously, to go down. I look over at him a few times as if to say, “are you sure?” and when I get nothing…. down I go. “weeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”
BAMMMMM! I topple over and land completely flat on my face. That is not the part that I have a problem with.. its the fact that we have the footage of me from the time that I crash until Brent continues down the hill minutes later. The footage is un-interrupted..meaning… the camera was never shut off! Dad approaches me..he is NOT running, the camera is NOT bouncing around, and there is absolutely not one iota of fear in his voice or even his breath. He walks over to me places the 1981 model camcorder lens in my face, and waits for my reaction. Im shouting, “Don’t, Dooooooooon’t”
hmmm? The word “dont” after I nearly lost my face? weird.
Or the video what we have of Brent and I playing baseball in the backyard. I am batting off of a tee and Brent is my ball bi*ch. jk He is loading the tee for me after I hit the ball. I am probably 2.5?? Brent 4?? Somewhere in there…anyways, I keep hitting the ball, Brent loads another, I hit, he puts the ball on the tee and so on… BUT on the video it is is AS CLEAR AS DAY that the distance between the bat and Brent’s face is becoming increasingly smaller and smaller.. I hit the ball sooner each time because, well I am only 2.5 and I do not understand that this is happening. In watching this video over and over.. I came to the conclusion that there is precisely no chance that the person videoing this tee ball session(my dad) could not have seen what was coming. Brent places another ball on the tee and WHACKKK! I connected bat to cheek. . at this point I should clarify that the bat was plastic- Brent did not break bones or lose teeth but you could hear the smack and you can tell it hurt. My dad, once again, does not set the camera down, does not react, just simply… keeps rolling. Brent is crying and I am standing there confused. The only thing my dad says on camera is “Ninny, ooooh Ninny”
SO I have not watched the videos since that Christmas that we converted them to DVD… but I have always thought about those videos where we fall or get hurt and the fact that my dad was only concerned with future laughs from anyone who would see the video. The other night I was going through MY little Flip video and came across THIS video of Cutler when he was about 15 months old.. and, well, just see for yourself…